Sunday 9 November 2014

New Levels

One of the favourite things I love about being a sub is my choice not to have a choice...
I chose to give up that right the day I accepted my dominants collar and though there's been the odd occasion I have never regretted it.

Having rules reminds me of this decision constantly
Even though we're progressing as a couple..
As a d/s relationship..I know these rules...
These simple rules... mean a lot...A hell of a lot

So today I fucked up

I admitted it and made him aware of my fuck up...but I made it all the same.

Shortly after accepting this misdemeanour I received this...

This is the rule you breached today.
4. Internet Use.
I must request of Master whenever I wishes to go onto any social network site, such as Facebook.

This adds a week to your probation so it's like starting again for you as you were a week in ... Plus
You must be punished.

Now
It makes me extremely frustrated to know that I'm starting my 2 weeks of first rules again.
Also I didn't know what the punishment was

On meeting this evening
Our kisses and cuddles are very normal on greeting
I wasn't aware of the message he'd sent already
I pleaded for the 2nd week to stay of the rules.
He didn't relent...They've started again
Then he asked if I wanted...
"Crop...flogger or hand for punishment?"

Now I'm crap at choice...hense the reason for giving it up...I don't miss it

My suggestion was all 3..
Hell..spank me already :)...my mouth does walk sometimes...

He first patted his lap...
I jumped on like a sweet girl hugging her man...loving his scent tonight...
He explained the need for punishment again...
I nodded...
I completely understood..After all I alerted him to what I'd done...
He then explained that rewards also came with telling the truth
..This I wasn't expecting...

A little buzzing friend was produced...I didn't know what it was...part from it vibrated round my cunt..
It was dark...
Could feel myself getting wet with excitement...
So the vibrations hovered round my clit...
Could feel the tips of an orgasm
"Please can I come?"

I will never forget that one again...

He pondered...
Told me to wait..

Gah..
Waiting to cum is something I've never done
Waiting to cum is probably on our training list
I'm an impatient child at times and I tried

Squeezing my pelvic muscles...
I held till.."please.."
He allowed me to cum....thankfully. ..

I love how the light dances behind my eye lids after a cum down
I was extremely thankful

Now Punishments

"Crop...shall we say 10 times"
Now the crop has only been an occasional friend so far and I wanted to take the punishment of course and please Him
So I nodded....
Assumed the position...

"Remember safeword"
"Keep still"
"Count"
I just breathed...
First one stung like a bitch...
At 8 he asked where we were. ..I think it was 8...
9 was the most painful
At 10 my eyes filled and my head spun...

Part of me wanted to feel my limit
I don't think I would of made it to 20
Subspace lingered...
The heat
The pain

I curled into his arms
I am safe
I am loved
I was punished
I accepted the punishment
I'll stick by the rules
And my Butt. ....well
The bitch inside me is grinning

Friday 7 November 2014

Spanked!

Today has been a different day..
It was expected..of course it was expected....my mouth tends to ask for things before my brains kicked in and usually when that happens I can't take it back..

Anyway after being on a Orgasm denial ban for a couple of days due to Orgasming without asking several times outside the rules...*bows head*
Safe to say I was extremely gagging for it...
My need for play and pain increases the less I cum so I could of begged really instead my mouth asked for a spanking.....

So today I knew it was coming...literally...

Light spanks with his hand...got me so horny....The endorphins flowed like blood through my veins every time he hit...
Hard enough but not too much...repeatedly over my Butt cheeks...never in the same space...guessing where he would hit next...making my skin blush...
After I admired it in the mirror...
It ached slightly. ..loved it :)

In between our play...The bitch Paddle appeared...now I was there when this was purchased and it's been used as threat in the past so I'm some what intrigued in its power but slightly nervous...

I requested to try it on him first...my request of course got denied
Least I tried

So Butt up...head down....orginal position
He swore that it wouldn't be repeatedly but slow and swift...
Gah...no getting out of it this now

The wait I dreaded worse...never the pain..
First hit was the worse...
Recovering...The second one stung...
Third one...I held my breath...
Fourth one hit the first one which made me yell..
Fifth one...blended into the third one
And the first one still ached...
Or was that the third one?
The endorphins were so strong...
Waiting didn't matter now....pain surrounded my skin...
The feeling was unbelievable
He stopped. ...
I could of took more...
Very impressive
Extremely wet

Even the after pain make me horny
That and the impressive bruises

Wednesday 5 November 2014

Permission


I sometimes find it a bit tricky getting permission for things.
Not because he often says no - quite the reverse - because he almost always says yes.

And if it's no, however gracefully I try to hide my disappointment, if it's something I want then he wiggles things around until it can be a yes.

I'm not complaining AT ALL, it's one of his utterly endearing traits - how kind he is and how much he spoils me - at the same time I do find myself doubting if he really means it when he does say yes.

He's made it very clear that there are areas where he doesn't want strict control, where he doesn't want to micromanage - the rules are structured though.
Boy I love rules..Sometimes I forget but I love rules...

Of course the thing is, seeing as how he's enslaved me anyway, one thing I DO NOT WANT is to stray away from his preferences.

So sometimes it's tricky. I'll consult, I'll check, I'll be honest with what I've been thinking about and what I'd like to do... He ponders, he gives his seal of approval, he encourages...

And I'm left thinking - but do you, though? Do you really? Do you really mean yes? Or are you just saying yes because you want me to be happy?

Mind you, not that it really matters. If he wants to say yes to keep or make me happy then he has every right to do so and I have to accept that gracefully just as I have to try and gracefully accept any decision and any reason he has for it. In the end, he can manage me anyway he wishes, right?

Right.

And I do love how kind and encouraging and wonderful he is.

I suppose what I want, is assurance that he is pleased with me and by my tastes and decisions, that they are in line with his vision of what he wants - if he even has one.

I want to do everything to please Him and make him happy.

Wanting


What do I want? 
I sometimes when he asks it...Think that it's a trick question
Does he mean an answer to an immediate question...as my opinion is only an opinion..he'll actually decide..
Does he mean to see if I was listening...I admit sometimes my mind drifts but I take everything in..
Does he mean to just ask...
Aside from the general answer I want hundreds of things..
i want him
Who has the ability and desire to take complete control of me.
Who knows me to my core, who understands without needing to tell Him my deepest fantasies.
Who craves my submission as deeply as i crave His Domination.
i want to be controlled. Completely…
I want the inner peace, to know that you are accepted just as you are. But, not only that, to know that this person has chosen to own you, to make you His possession, to be cherished by Him.
To know that He wants my happiness and is willing to push me towards it.
I want to please Him above all else...hearing the hushed.."good girl" is a wonderful sound
His ability to push my limits and know how far.

This is all i ever wanted. 
I want to trust...obey...listen...
I want to follow and love...